Lonely-Rewrite (Re-upload)
by KingO'Malley
Summary: AU- Akihiko leaves Misaki. Misaki's life spirals out of control in Akihiko's absence. Years later, after much pain and hardship, Misaki is released from jail. Akihiko returns to Misaki's life and turns it upside down once again with his sudden entrance. Can these two men mend the rift between their relationship or will life keep them from true happiness? Warnings in first chapter
1. Chapter One

**I'm so sorry for deleting this story previously. I've been having a really rough time and the negative feedback kind of just pushed me over the edge, but I'm okay now and this story will be continued. For those of you who were here for the ninth chapter, I'm sorry for the poorly executed plot twist and it will be revised and edited. Also, thank all of you guys who have read this before for all of your support and I hope that you guys can stick with this story with me.  
**

 **Warnings: Implied rape (possible graphic in the future), mentions of self-harm, possible future self-harm, mutilation, depression, possible suicidal thoughts, more to be added if they come up.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Misaki's POV**

' _Why me?'_ I thought as I was lead out of the jail. I stared at the ground with dead eyes and refused to look up for fear of seeing Akihiko again. I knew he was back. Takahiro told me about it a couple months before, and about his boyfriend.

I gave no reaction to that, of course, but my mind was reeling. I'd accepted it at this point, though. Akihiko moved on and found someone else. Someone who wasn't a murderer.

I was forced to look up when I reached my brother. I didn't meet his eyes, but looked over his shoulder at the person leaning against a bright red sports car. Said person had soft, silver hair and glowing amethyst eyes that could look right through you.

Akihiko was smoking a cigarette, but instead of looking at me, he was gazing down at the young man he was holding hands with, giving him the exact same look he used to give me.

"Misaki?" Takahiro asked worriedly, furrowing his brow. "Are you alright?"

The question brought me out of my thoughts. I turned my gaze to my brother, and said, "I'm fine, Takahiro. Just tired is all." My voice was flat and empty, devoid of any emotion.

Akihiko's head snapped up at the sound, and his eyes locked onto mine. I flinched when Takahiro hugged me, but he gave it no mind, only holding me tightly in a brotherly embrace.

"I'm so glad you're finally out of there," he told me.

I tried to give him a smile, but only got as far as the corners of my lips twitching slightly. "Me, too," I said.

I pulled out of the awkward embrace and walked towards Akihiko's car, glancing at him for a moment. "It's good to see you again, Misaki," he said to me, his velvety voice slightly uncertain.

I looked at him indifferently. "I wish I could say the same," I muttered underneath my breath so that only Akihiko could hear me.

The man half-grimaced and half-smiled, then brought a hand up as if to pat me on the head, but I ducked underneath it and opened the car door, climbing inside. Akihiko and Takahiro climbed in the front seats, Akihiko driving, Akihiko's boyfriend sat in the back next to me, and then we were on our way to Takahiro's house.

Takahiro and Akihiko's boyfriend tried starting conversations with me, but they went ignored and eventually gave up. The rest of the ride was silent, and I welcomed it. I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep, but before I knew it I was being shaken awake by Akihiko, who was looking at me with a worried expression.

"We're here," he told me. I nodded and moved to get out, but was stopped by the sound of a voice behind the author.

"Move, Usagi! I need to introduce myself," the voice whined. Akihiko moved aside and I looked at the man who had just spoken.

He looked a bit like me, except his hair was lighter than mine, his eyes were more of a forest green than emerald, and I was a couple inches taller than him.

He smiled at me and said, "Hi, I'm Usagi's boyfriend, Ritsu Onodera. It's nice to meet you." Ritsu held a hand out to shake, but I looked at it, then back up at him without touching it.

He looked uncomfortable after a few seconds of my staring. I took pity on him and looked away, saying in an indifferent tone, "Can you please move? I'd rather not sit in this car forever."

Akihiko moved protectively in front of Ritsu and glared at me. "Don't be so rude to Ritsu."

"I said please," I replied. Akihiko's glare hardened.

"He's the man I love, not you. I won't allow you to be so rude to him," the man hissed with an irritated tone. Despite the pang in my heart at that statement, I kept up my indifferent, almost cold, expression.

I rolled my eyes. "Will you let me get out of the car now?" Akihiko and Ritsu moved out of the way of the car door, allowing me to get out of the car and walk towards Takahiro's house.

I walked in and was immediately greeted by Minami, who pulled me into a warm hug. I hugged her back, but only barely, not wanting to touch her and taint her with my dirtied hands.

"It's so good to see you again, Misaki-kun," she beamed, though it was obvious to me that it was forced.

"You, too, Minami," I answered, trying for a small smile, but not succeeding.

"Do you want something to drink? Some tea? Or a small snack?" she asked me.

I shook my head, pulling away from her fully. "I'm fine. I think I'll just go to sleep early." Minami smiled at me, forced again, and lead me to my newly renovated bedroom.

"Sleep well," she told me, then shut the door behind her. I looked around the room. There was a single bed against the wall across from me, and a nightstand next to the bed with a lamp placed on top. At the foot of the bed was a bookshelf that was relatively empty other than some things that Takahiro or Minami probably put there for me.

On the wall to my right was a dresser. After inspecting the drawers, I found that there were all new clothes inside of it. On the wall to my left was a door that lead to a small, simple bathroom. I let out a soft sigh and leaned against the door.

Talking on the other side got my attention.

The first voice I heard was Takahiro's. "He's changed so much, Usagi. He seems like a completely different person! I mean, I understand he went through some hard times, but he won't smile, and he even flinched when I hugged him. He's so detached and it seems like I'm talking to a stranger. I don't know what to do."

Then Akihiko spoke. "I think he just needs time. Being in jail doesn't exactly make you feel warm and fuzzy. I wouldn't think so, anyway. Let him get used to being outside, and I'm sure it'll get better."

I could imagine the smile Takahiro would be giving Akihiko. "Thanks, Usagi. If you say so, then I'll take your word for it."

I inwardly scoffed, imagining how that puffed up Akihiko's ego. The two walked away, and I pulled away from the door, trudging towards the dresser. I pulled a navy blue long sleeved t-shirt and black cotton pants out of the drawers, pulling the tags off and changing into the clothes.

I didn't sleep, though. It was strange. It was as though it was impossible for me to sleep. No matter how much I shifted or moved around to get comfortable, I couldn't. I couldn't even close my eyes without feeling as though I was being watched. I had to wonder if it would be like this for the rest of my stay.

I had to wonder if I would always be this uncomfortable in the place I almost considered home.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Here's the first chapter of the rewrite. Thanks for reading. Favorite, follow, review, and PM me with ideas.**

 **Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	2. Chapter Two

**Responses to Reviews:**

 **Shiranai Atsune- I was just too lazy to upload them all at once lol And I think I'm gonna do more with Sumi definitely, but Ijuuin is kind of a mystery to me. I don't know his character well so I feel like if I try to incorporate him (which I should for the sake of accuracy) I might fall flat with his personality. It's been so long since I've read the manga or watched the anime.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

 **-One Year Later-**

 **Misaki's POV**

My brother's obnoxiously loud laughing woke me up. I could feel the bright sunlight that filtered through my blinds hitting my eyelids, painting the back of them red. Groaning in annoyance, I rolled over onto my stomach and pulled the covers up over my head.

Despite my attempts to go back to sleep, Takahiro's loud talking and laughing drifted through my blankets and prevented me from drifting off into dreamland again. I groaned once again, but gave up on my losing battle and rolled out of bed, untangling from my dark blue sheets.

I walked into my bathroom and looked at my face. Over the last year, I'd gotten some of my natural tan back (Not that much, though. I hate going outside.), and my eyes gained a dull light reminiscent of the one that they lost so long ago.

I didn't fool myself into getting any hope, though. I knew that I would never get that light back, not fully anyway. I'd been through too much for that to be possible anymore, and without someone like Akihiko there for me, I didn't think I would regain any more than I already had.

I turned away from the mirror and towards my shower, turning the water on to the hottest it could get. While I waited for it to heat up, I went back into the bedroom and grabbed some underwear, a dark green long-sleeved shirt, black jeans, and a pair of socks.

I returned to the bathroom and dropped my clothes on the porcelain countertop next to the sink. After closing the bathroom door, then locking it, I stripped out of my nightclothes and dumped them in the laundry basket, then stepped into the scalding hot water.

After washing my body and hair quickly, I stepped out of the shower and shut the water off. I grabbed a towel and dried my body off, then began to work on my hair. As I dried my hair using a towel with one hand, I brushed my teeth with the other.

And finally, ten minutes later, I walked out of my bathroom dressed and not at all ready for the day to come. I grabbed my phone off of my nightstand and slipped it in my pocket, then pulled on my black hoodie.

I left my room, first unlocking the door, and closed the door with a soft click behind me. I followed the smell of waffles and bacon to the kitchen, pausing momentarily in the doorway when I saw Akihiko and Ritsu sitting at the table, eating like they lived there.

Minami smiled kindly at me and handed me a plate of food. I reached from behind my brother for the syrup, then pulled it back to me, pouring it on the waffles. I placed it back on the table and went into the living room, unwilling to eat in the same room as those stupid love birds.

Usually Takahiro wouldn't have argued about it, but today he decided to say something. "Misaki, why don't you eat at the table with us? It's a big day, after all."

I looked inquisitively at him. "Sure, I guess." I sat down at the table without even glancing at the lovey-dovey couple. "Why is it a big day, exactly?" I asked.

Takahiro gave a huge grin, looking more happy than usual. "Well, there are two reasons, actually. The first one, of course, is because you've been out of jail for a year now." I stared blankly at him. Why was that such a big thing? 'Oh, congratulations, Misaki! You've been an ex-convict for a whole year! I'm so proud!'

"What's the second reason, then?" I asked him.

Instead of Takahiro, Ritsu answered, and I noticed Akihiko wince a bit. "Usagi and I are getting married!"

I froze with a piece of waffle halfway to my mouth, eyes wide in shock. The fork clattered back to my plate. "W-what?" I stuttered. I glanced at Akihiko, who looked torn between being guilty and happy. I glared harshly at him.

Takahiro was oblivious of all of this. "Isn't that great?! And Ritsu even asked for you to be the best man, since you and Usagi-san were so close!"

I let my bangs cast a shadow over my eyes, hiding it from everyone's view. I gritted my teeth, trying to push away the stabbing pain in my heart. I could feel cracks forming in it, spreading and branching out until my entire heart was shards of glass on the ground.

"Yeah, it's great," I said, somehow managing to keep my voice steady. I put the indifferent mask I'd taken so long to make back up, somehow piecing it back together. I barely kept up my charade of being indifferent up the rest of the day.

Takahiro decided that we should celebrate the huge occasions and we went out that day. That night, when Ritsu suggested that we should go to a karaoke bar, I told them I had a headache and requested that Akihiko just drop me off at home.

He frowned at me in the rearview mirror while Takahiro protested, but Akihiko took me back anyway, and I silently thanked him for doing something right.

The front door practically slammed behind me. I made sure to lock it, not only because Takahiro reminded me to, but also because it became habit to me over the past year.

I threw my shoes haphazardly into their place in front of the door and rushed up the stairs to my room. I actually slammed the door this time and locked it violently.

All of it was coming crashing down on me.

' _Usagi and I are getting married!'_ Those words echoed through my head, becoming like some sick, painful mantra that wouldn't go away.

"Shut up . . ." I whispered. Tears leaked down my face and the pain in my crushed heart that had become a dull throb came back full force, making me drop to my knees.

' _Isn't it great?!'_

My body began to tremble, and the tears came faster and faster.

' _. . . you and Usagi-san were so close!'_

'We were more than close! We were lovers for fuck's sake!' I thought brokenly. 'And then he left me . . .'

' _Ritsu even asked for you to be the best man . . .'_

'Why should I be?! He took Akihiko away from me!' My eyes snapped open at that thought, and I clutched my hair tighter.

"He was never mine," I whispered. "It was all fake. He was never mine." I'd been telling myself that for the past seven years, trying to get that stupid fucking rabbit out of my head, and it had always worked until then, but now it didn't.

It only made me hurt more. It only made me want him back even worse. I didn't let myself sob, or rather, my body didn't. I'd sobbed all of my sobs when Akihiko left me. I let all of them out when I found out that he didn't want me anymore.

And still I cried silently. I shed tears for kami knows how long before I stopped. And then, I only stopped because I heard the car pulling up in front of the house.

The door slammed open, and heavy footsteps moved through the first floor towards the stairs.

"Do you two want to stay here for the night?" my brother's voice drifted up. "It's getting pretty late."

I couldn't make out the response, but I assumed that it was an affirmative because multiple people climbed the staircase. I just sat with my back to my door silently, staring ahead with dead eyes.

Two pairs of feet passed my door, and the door of the room next to mine opened then closed. Of course they were staying in that room.

It wasn't long before I heard words and moans coming through the wall, as I had expected. I sighed. Standing up on unsteady legs, I had to lean against the door before going over to my nightstand and opening the top drawer.

I pulled my earbuds and iPod out, put the earbuds in, and blasted the music as loud as it would go to drown out the sounds coming from the other room that made me want to shatter again. And yet they still pierced me right where my heart would've been if it wasn't crushed to dust already.

I let my tears guide me into sleep as I curled into a fetal position on my bed.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

The next time I woke up it was one in the afternoon. I pulled my earbuds out, which were still blasting music, and sat up, rubbing at my tired eyes. The house was strangely quiet, for some reason, and I couldn't quite place the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I climbed out of bed and went into my bathroom, running a hand through my sleep-tangled hair. I grimaced at my disheveled reflection. My hair was a rat's nest from my tossing and turning, my eyes were red-rimmed from crying and had bags under them, and my cheeks had tearstains on them.

I sighed and grabbed a black rag from under the sink, then wetted it with warm water and rubbed my face with it until I deemed myself presentable. Well, for the most part. I grabbed my brush and made my hair obey me so that it wasn't sticking up everywhere.

I left my bathroom and grabbed a change of clothes, having not changed out of the ones from the day before yet. I pulled on a pair of black jeans identical to the ones I was already wearing, a light blue long-sleeved shirt, and my hoodie.

Hesitantly, I left the bedroom and walked into the kitchen, noticing that no one was home. As I waited for my toast to be done, I glanced around the room, looking for any sign that something was out of place.

I found nothing strange, and yet I couldn't shake my uneasiness. I jumped when the toast popped out of the toaster with a loud sound. I gave a long sigh, but pulled the toast of the machine and took a bite out of it, not bothering with butter or jam.

I jumped once again when I heard the front door lock turning and people walked in, only relaxing when I heard Takahiro's exuberant voice, saying something about wedding planning to Akihiko. I groaned silently, the previous day finally coming back to me fully.

Akihiko was first to walk into the kitchen, though I noticed him give a small pause in his graceful steps when he saw me leaning casually against the counter and eating toast. I greeted him with a small nod.

"Good afternoon, Misaki," Ritsu greeted, smiling tensely at me.

"'Morning," I responded with a clipped tone. "What were you three up to?"

"Wedding planning!" my brother exclaimed, overly excited about the whole thing. "We were hoping you would be there, but decided to let you sleep."

"I see," was all I said, nibbling on the bread.

The room went silent, and when I'd finally decided that I should leave to relieve everyone of the tangible tension in the room, the phone rang, and Takahiro jumped up to get it.

"Hello?" he said, and paused when, at least I guess, the person on the other line spoke.

"Haitani? I don't know anyone by that name," he answered them. My breath hitched, and it suddenly became hard to breathe. I didn't process how the toast fell out of my hand or how I clutched onto the counter for support.

I only processed the fact that he found me. My personal tormentor found me, and he was coming to take me back. I didn't have to speak to him to know that.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **And there's the second chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed! Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	3. Chapter Three

**Review Responses:**

 **Nekomoo and panda-chan- Hehe here you go. I'm glad you like it :3**

 **IsabelleDorito- I'm mostly planning for Misaki and Akihiko to get back together at some point or another, or at least properly reconcile, but I'm not sure at this point. This story will have the basic plotline of the original but there will most likely be some changes, a few major and a few minor.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Misaki's POV**

' _I won't let you get away.'_ Those words echoed through my head, the words that Haitani told me the day I was released, as I was leaving the cell. _'You're mine and mine alone.'_

I stared at the tile floor while I tried to even out my breathing. It took me a second to notice that Akihiko was trying to get my attention. "Misaki? Are you okay?"

'No, I'm not fine! That demon that tormented me for three years just called my brother's house! How could I be okay?!' was what I wanted to say, but refrained from telling Akihiko that.

"I-I'm fine," I stuttered, hurriedly walking past him and going for the stairs, but he caught my wrist in a gentle but firm grasp.

"You don't seem fine," he said worriedly. "What's wrong?" I tried to shake the man's hand off, but his grip was too tight.

" _Nothing_ is wrong!" I snapped, but refused to look up. I wouldn't let him see me in such a weak and broken state. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

Akihiko's grip loosened in his surprised state, and I could finally jerk my wrist from his hand. I rushed up the stairs. For the second time, I slammed my door shut and locked it. Before I could make another move, someone began knocking on my door, almost frantically.

"Misaki, tell me what's wrong," Akihiko's annoyed and worried voice came. I ran a trembling hand down my face. _'Yes, Misaki. Tell the man who betrayed you what's wrong. Tell him what I did to you. Tell him how I marked you as mine so that no one could take you from me,'_ Haitani's voice said.

I pushed it away, ignoring the fact that voices in your head wasn't usually a good thing. "Misaki, please. What's wrong?"

I'd had enough of it. I unlocked the door and swung it open forcefully. "You want to know what's wrong?" I asked with a deceptively calm voice. Akihiko nodded unsurely and I gestured for him to come in. I didn't want anyone eavesdropping.

Once the door was closed behind me, I turned the lock out of habit. Akihiko raised an eyebrow but said nothing about it.

"What's wrong is that the man that left me alone for all those years came back into my life, flaunting his new _lover,_ and acting as though it's doing nothing to me," I hissed, still facing the door. I didn't want to see what kind of face he had. I didn't want to see any guilt or regret on his face, if he even felt any.

"But I-" the author began, but I cut him off.

"No, Akihiko!" I snapped. "Let me finish talking before you say _anything!"_ Akihiko seemed shocked at my angry tone, as he immediately went quiet.

"Did you never realize that bringing Ritsu here, acting all lovey-dovey around me with him, all of it is driving me crazy?! And don't even think about making a comment about jealousy, because I'm really not in the mood for it," I said harshly. I finally turned around and saw Akihiko looking at me with a mixture of guilt, regret, and shock.

I started laughing then, laughing hard and without mirth. "Wow! The great Usami-sensei can't even figure out when he's crossing a line he shouldn't. And I thought you were the most attentive person ever. I guess that's just with people you care about, though."

Akihiko looked like he wanted to say something. "You can talk now," I told him, going from 'amused' to blank in a second.

"Please," he whispered. "Don't think that I don't care about you, because I do-"

I scoffed, then said with a bitter tone, "Is that why you left me for someone else? Yeah, that's a way to show how much you care about me. Betray me and break my heart."

The man flinched at my words. "I'm sorry," he said desperately, looking at me with pleading eyes. "Can you forgive me?"

I looked away from him and didn't answer, scowling. That seemed to be answer enough to him, and he looked sad.

After a couple of minutes of thick silence, I whispered, "Get out. Now. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

He made his way to my door, but paused with his hand on the doorknob. "I know you can get through this. You're strong."

I spun on him angrily. I shoved my sleeves up roughly and showed him my forearms. "Look at this and tell me that I'm strong. Tell me that I have strength after resorting to something so shameful!"

Akihiko froze in place at the sight of my arms. For once, the god-like author Usami Akihiko was at a loss for words. Because there were self-inflicted scars covering practically every inch of the skin on my forearms.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

That night I went for a long walk while everyone was asleep. I needed time to think in a place where there weren't constant reminders of what I'd been through. I walked down the empty side walk, watching with absent fascination as my breath made white puffs in the air every time I exhaled.

I wondered if it was Ritsu that made Akihiko leave me at first, or if it was something else, something he couldn't tell me about. But he wouldn't act as he had before he left if it was something like that. He would act as normal (well, normal for him) as possible so that I wouldn't suspect.

In those few weeks before he left, it was as though there was inner turmoil that he couldn't tell me about, something that was bothering him that he couldn't say. I gave a long-suffering sigh and pushed those thoughts out of my mind. There was no point in thinking about it when I wouldn't get any answers.

And then I began thinking about Haitani. I shuddered violently when his voice invaded my head again, whispering things to me and making bile rise in my throat. _'You know, Misaki, he'll never take you back. Not when he knows what I did to you. He'll think you're disgusting, a used piece of garbage.'_

"Shut up," I told him, hardening my expression. If I didn't, I knew I would break down and fall deeper into the abyss I was already at the bottom of.

' _But you don't have to worry about that with me, my kitten. I'll never leave you. You can stay with me, and I'll never throw you away,'_ he whispered huskily, and I could almost feel his heavy breath on my ear and his hands running over my body.

I lunged to the side of the sidewalk and heaved, throwing up the meagre meals I'd eaten that day. I dry heaved a few times before stopping. I was breathing heavily, and tears were in my eyes, blurring my vision.

I staggered to my feet and continued down the sidewalk unsteadily, letting the cool breeze calm me down. I reached a crosswalk and stopped walking when the red light came into view. In the distance I saw a car speeding in the distance, glinting red in the dim moonlight.

I ignored it and waited for the light to turn green. The car got closer to the crosswalk. And suddenly arms were wrapping around my waist from behind, and I could feel breath that smelled of alcohol on my cheek while the person's chin sat on my shoulder.

"Hello, Mi-sa-ki~," Haitani purred, saying my name in a childish way that somehow conveyed his dark and lustful personality.

I flinched and said nothing, making sure no emotions showed on my face, and nothing could be read in my eyes.

"I'm here to take you away," he sang.

I made no move to get out of his grip, perfectly aware that it was useless. I saw the car getting even closer to the crosswalk.

"I'll never let you take me away," I spat coldly. "And if you did, I wouldn't let you touch me."

The man chuckled darkly in my ear. "Then if I can't have you, no one can." His arms moved from my waist to my back.

And the rest happened in slow motion. The car was nearly to the point where Haitani and I were standing. Said man pushed me forward with enough force to make me stumble in front of the red sports car.

I looked through the front window with wide, shocked eyes. The car hit me, and pain exploded all over my body as I was thrown like a ragdoll further down the road. I vaguely noticed from my position on the ground that Haitani was gone, as though he was never there in the first place.

" _ **Misaki!**_ _"_ someone cried with horror. All I could see was the smog filled sky glinting with hardly noticeable stars about me. Somehow, in my lucid, half-awake state, I could see the stars much more clearly, so clear that I could never count all of them.

Someone held me in their arms, telling me it would be okay in their strong, velvety voice that was tinted with desperation and fear. Somehow, it felt wrong for those emotions to be there in that voice. And then I heard another voice, higher in pitch, more feminine, and saw a flash of red hair.

Then a flash of silver. The darkness began to consume my sight, and I silently begged it to let me watch the bright, shining stars for just a little bit longer. The darkness did not cease or slow in its advancement, and just before I lost consciousness, the last thing I saw was violet eyes, staring down at me in terror.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **I'd say I'm sorry for** _ **yet another**_ **cliffhanger, but . . . so, anyway. Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	4. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica**

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Akihiko's POV**

" _I know you can get through this," I told Misaki. "You're strong." My hand tightened the on the doorknob, ready to turn it and leave the room, but Misaki spun on me furiously, eyes glowing with anger and pain._

 _I was confused when he pulled his sleeves up, but that quickly turned to stunned shock. "Look at this and tell me that I'm strong. Tell me that I have strength after resorting to something so shameful!" I heard a hint of desperation in his voice, as if he was begging me to be disappointed in him, as if begging me to see his weakness._

 _The scars that littered his forearms covered practically all of the skin, and if I looked closely I could see words under other jagged scars, but only faintly, as if he scratched them out with a knife. Which, I realized with growing horror, he probably had._

 _I finally found my voice again. "W-was this because of . . .?" I trailed off, unable to finish my own question._

 _Misaki seemed to have calmed down, and looked at me with almost dead eyes. "Because of you?" he asked thoughtfully, and didn't even wait for me to say anything. "Partially. After you left and didn't come back, I thought about it, but I never resorted to it. Well, until jail."_

 _When the brunette mentioned his time in prison, I noticed how his eyes darkened and gained a haunted, empty look to them. He gently pulled the sleeves back down, a stark contrast to the mood he was in before._

 _I felt the guilt that'd been building up for the past few years grow, grow so much I was afraid that it might swallow me whole and suffocate me._

" _I . . ." I started, but there was nothing I could say, so I stopped talking. As the two of us stood in silence, neither of us saying anything or looking at each other, I knew I had to say something, anything, to make it better._

" _I know you could never forgive me for what I've done," I started with a soft voice, "but can we at least start again? Start as friends?"_

 _Misaki stared at me with calculating eyes, still haunted and empty, and yet so full of emotion and pain. It felt as if he were looking right through me, looking at every piece of me and observing it with such careful eyes that he knew the whole inner workings of my mind, how to put it together and also how to break it._

 _He gave a soft, tired sigh. "I honestly don't know, Akihiko. I don't know if I could even stand being around you long enough for us to be friends."_

 _I thought about his words for a moment, wondering what exactly he meant by them. Did that mean that he still loved me? Or, in the time I was gone, did he come to hate me for leaving?_

" _We don't even have to be friends," I said, grasping at straws for any hope that he would no longer feel any hate toward me. "I just . . . don't want you to hate me."_

 _Misaki looked at me almost incredulously, as if he couldn't believe what I was saying. "You think I hate you?" I only looked at him in confusion. If he didn't hate me, then that meant . . ._

 _The brunette looked as though he wanted to say something, but Takahiro called me down at the same moment Misaki opened his mouth._

" _Sorry," I said. "You can tell me your answer later." With that I left, almost smirking at how disgruntled Misaki looked at being interrupted despite the situation._

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

When I saw Misaki stumble in front of my speeding car, my heart stopped in my chest. I slammed on the brakes and bolted out of the car, letting out a cry of, " _ **Misaki!**_ " I was at his side in a second.

The brunette was looking up at the sky with blank, almost peaceful, eyes. I tried to get his attention, tried to get him to at least look at me, but there was no response, and in my panicked state, I faintly noticed Aikawa calling the paramedics on her phone next to me.

I saw the small pool of blood forming beneath Misaki and began panicking even more, frantically trying to keep the brunette awake, but before I could do anything his eyes fluttered shut and his head fell to the side against my arm.

I heard the ambulance screech to a stop behind me and allowed them to take Misaki away from me, then got in my car and followed behind it, somehow not being stopped by police as I sped behind them. Aikawa was in the passenger's seat next to me, crying quietly to herself, a concerning difference from how she usually was.

The ambulance finally reached the hospital, so I quickly screeched into a parking spot and jumped out, watching with worry as they wheeled him into the building. I followed them, staying as close as I could to the gurney without tripping any of the nurses or doctors up.

I only stopped when a door came in between Misaki and me. I began stood in front of the door for kami knows how long until a nurse led me to a private waiting room. It wasn't long before Takahiro barreled into the room that Aikawa and I were in with Minami trailing worriedly behind him. Ritsu followed them in soon after, a frown on his face.

"Is Misaki alright?! What happened? Is he dead? Tell me he isn't dead! I-" Takahiro fired off, but I put a hand up to stop him from saying anymore, shaking my head.

"I don't know anything yet," I told him. "He's in surgery right now." This stopped the raven's rant. He sat down in a chair across from me dejectedly, worrying at his lower lip. Minami sat next to him and held his hand, rubbing the back of it comfortingly.

Aikawa was currently sitting in the chair to my right, biting her previously meticulous nails nervously and staring at the beige door with an intense gaze. It was as though she was willing it open and Misaki to walk through with her entire being, and I couldn't really blame her. I wanted that as much as she did.

I sensed Ritsu sit down in the chair to my left, still frowning at the floor. I took his hand, in need of comfort as much as Takahiro and Aikawa did. Strangely enough, Ritsu pulled his hand from mine while furrowing his brows, still not looking at me.

"What's wrong?" I murmured, as though there was someone to listen in on our conversation.

"We need to talk, Usagi," he replied softly, then grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the room. When we were in the hallway, he looked at me with unusually serious eyes.

"What is it?" I asked, not unkindly. Ritsu didn't say anything for a few moments, gathering his thoughts from what I could tell.

"Usagi, I think we need to break up," he finally said, and looked as though there was a weight off of his shoulders.

My eyes widened in shock. How could he say that when we'd been so happy for so long? "Why?" I asked weakly, somehow asking the question without realizing it.

The brunette seemed to be struggling with his words. "It's . . . It's because I've seen the way you look at him, without even realizing it. You have so much love in your gaze, it dwarfs the way you look at me. And I've seen how much pain he's been in when we're together. I'm not as oblivious as I seem, and I know you're not that oblivious, either. You've seen the pain he's in."

I stayed silent. Ritsu smiled gently at me. "Go be with him. I know you may think you're in love with me like you were in love with him, but it's different. _We're_ different. You . . . you two are the perfect couple, honestly. You belong together, and I know that there's someone waiting for me, too. We need to go our separate ways and be happy. Okay?"

I swallowed thickly. "Okay," I rasped. The brunette hugged me as gently as he'd smiled at me and kissed me softly on the cheek.

"Good luck," he told me, then left. "And keep updated on Misaki-chan's condition." I nodded and watched as he disappeared down another hallway with sad eyes. I took a deep breath, then another, and walked back into the waiting room.

The rest of the occupants of the room looked up when they realized that Ritsu wasn't with me. "Where's Ritsu-kun?" Minami asked me confusedly.

I hesitated, but drew up my courage and spoke. "He, um, had somewhere to go," I said, not looking the intuitive woman in the eyes. I saw Aikawa narrow her eyes in suspicion.

I went back to my seat, refusing to meet anyone's eyes and staring at the floor instead. I got lost deep in my thoughts, only snapping out of them when the doctor opened the door and looked at us with grim eyes.

All of us bolted to our feet and looked at him with anxious eyes. "You're here for Misaki Takahashi, yes?" he asked tiredly. We all nodded.

"Well, I can tell you that he's made it through the surgery," he said, and I felt hope swell in my heart, but it was quickly quelled. "But he's not quite out of the woods yet. There was major internal bleeding from the blunt force of the car hitting him. He also got road burn, three broken ribs, and a major concussion from hitting his head on the ground forcefully. He lost a lot of blood, so, along with the concussion, he's gone into a coma. There's no way to tell when Takahashi-kun will wake up."

The four of us stayed silent, taking in the information. I felt like I was being drowned in guilt and regret. I was the one to leave him, break his heart, and hit him with my own car. I felt horrible for all that I'd done, and knew that Misaki deserved better than me.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Aikawa asked the question none of us could get out. "C-can we see him?"

The doctor nodded and motioned for a nurse to lead him to the room. We followed her down the off-white hallways until we came to a stop at room 221. She opened the door for us, then left. I took a deep breath, then stepped into the room.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **And so you have the fourth chapter. And, hey, at least this cliffhanger isn't so horrible (if it can even be considered a cliffhanger). Thanks so much for reading! Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	5. Chapter Five

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Misaki's POV**

 _The umbrella dropped from my hand, and I stopped moving with the river of people streaming off campus._

" _W-What did you say, Aikawa-san?" I stuttered in shock. "What do you mean h-he's g-gone?" I remembered just that morning, how he bid me goodbye as if he wasn't going to see me for a while, and paled even further._

 _I didn't let the red head say anything else, hanging up and taking off as fast as I could toward the pent house. As I ran, I dialed Akihiko's number, but every time, the call went straight to voice mail. Some time in my run, I dropped my phone, but didn't stop to pick it up._

 _I sped through the lobby of the apartment building and skidded into the elevator, breathing heavily and soaking wet. I hit the button violently until the doors closed. The trip up felt like it lasted forever, and I paced anxiously around the small room the whole time._

 _The doors slip open smoothly and revealed the door to the pent house. I quickly turned the key and swung the door open . . . only to find the apartment empty for the most part. All that was left was the furniture, kitchenware, and probably most of my belongings._

 _I didn't have to search the entire apartment to know that all of Akihiko's things would be gone. And yet I did anyway. As I made to run back down the stairs and look even more thoroughly, I slipped on the first step and tumbled down the staircase painfully._

 _I curled up in a ball at the bottom and sobbed brokenly, the reality of my situation hitting me like a train. Akihiko didn't want me anymore, and he probably never would again._

" _Why?!" I shouted painfully, my throat scratchy. "What did I do?!"_

 _Something died in me that day, something that could never be repaired._

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

" _Guess what, Misaki?" Takahiro asked excitedly through the phone, looking just as excited through the glass he was sitting in front of._

 _I sighed. "What?" I asked flatly._

" _Usagi-san is coming back to Japan!" my brother exclaimed. I only raised my eyebrow in response, but on the inside, it felt like what I had left of a heart had just come back to life. That small, childish part of me had hope that Akihiko would come and save me._

" _You know what else?" Takahiro said, beaming. I titled my head to the side, motioning for him to continue. "He has a boyfriend now. They seem so happy together! Isn't it awesome?!"_

 _And that small part of my heart that had come back to life withered away and died, like the last petal on a dying flower._

" _Yeah," I breathed, pretending to be happy for him. "It's_ so _awesome. Look, Takahiro, I'm gonna go now, but, um, we can talk more next time." I gave him no time to answer and slammed the phone down on the receiver and let the guard led me back to my cell._

 _I stood just in front of the locked door, which was behind me, and didn't give any reaction to anything, not even when arms wrapped around my waist and that disgusting voice whispered in my ear._

 _The only thing I caught from what Haitani was saying was, ". . . take your pain away, little kitten."_

 _Silent tears slid down my face without my consent, as they had been since I'd stepped in the cell._

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

My eyes fluttered open, and I saw a dark, white hospital ceiling above me. I was shocked to feel a wet warmness on my face, and brought my hand up to my face. When I pulled it away, there was a clear liquid on my fingers. With a start, I realized they were tears.

I laughed mirthlessly. Just when I thought I'd cried all of the tears I had for Akihiko, more come. I wiped the tears off of my face and staunched the flow. I wouldn't let anyone see my weakness, not even the darkness that surrounded me.

Realizing that I wouldn't be drifting off any time soon, I sat up slowly. The amount of effort it took to sit up annoyed me. The door to my hospital room slid open suddenly, and I saw an exhausted Akihiko standing in the doorway with an owlish look on his face.

"M-Misaki, you're awake," he stuttered.

I looked blankly at him. "It seems that way." The white haired man didn't say anything for a while. When he realized that he was still standing in the doorway, he went and sat down next to my bed.

He looked at me with guilt in his eyes. "Are you . . . okay? You were in a coma for a month." I stared at him for a few moments, processing the fact that I'd been in a hospital for an entire month.

Frowning, I looked away from Akihiko. "I don't know. I'm a bit sore, but I'm not in too much pain."

Akihiko sighed. "Misaki, are _you_ okay?" The earnest look in his eyes, the need to know, forced me to answer.

"I'm fine," I told him, looking him straight in the eyes. "Why do you ask?" My voice was devoid of emotion. The encounter with Haitani (I still wasn't sure whether it was all in my head or not) shook me to the core, and drained all regained life from me.

The lavender eyed man hesitated. "You just seem . . . different. Empty." I scowled inwardly. Since when did he care? "I'm worried."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told him dismissively. "There's nothing wrong with me."

This seemed to frustrate Akihiko to no end. "Then why did you run in front of my car?" he asked me, irritation dripping from his words.

This time I _did_ scowl. "I didn't _run_ in front of your car. I tripped. There's a difference."

Akihiko scoffed. "Yes, you _just happened_ to trip as my car passed by. That's believable."

Anger cut through me, and for half a second I considered telling Akihiko what actually happened, but stopped myself before I could make a mistake. I glared at him, and the man glared right back, but behind his annoyance, I could see more emotions hiding. Fear. Relief. Guilt. Worry. All of these were hiding behind his glare.

My glare wavered, and I looked away. "Well excuse me," I muttered under my breath crossly. "Sorry for my bad timing."

A smirk graced Akihiko's face, who had somehow heard what I said with his rabbit ears (Oh, the irony). I flopped back down and turned on my side away from the man.

"I'm going to sleep," I told him, then closed my eyes. Silence hailed in the room for half an hour, and I was still awake. I'd known I wouldn't be able to sleep. I only said that so I wouldn't have to talk to him anymore.

Akihiko, probably assuming I was asleep, started talking softly. "You don't know the effect you have on me, Misaki. You don't know just how much I love you."

I forced myself to stay silent and pretend to sleep, but my thoughts were anything but calm and silent. The words that the goddamn rabbit said echoed and bounced around my head, bumping into my thoughts and making them jumble up until there was a huge, tangled ball that couldn't be undone.

A small part of me wanted to jump up and tell him that I loved him, too, and that I wanted to be with him, but the rest of me wanted to jump up and punch him right in the face, yell at him and make him pay for the suffering he caused me over the years.

' _That's right, kitten,'_ Haitani whispered to me, making me flinch a bit. _'You don't need someone like him, especially not when you have me here to take care of you. And what makes you think he'll want you when he knows about the years that he wasn't there? When he hears about Haruhiko? When he-'_

A cool hand started running through my hair, as though trying to calm me. It was then that I realized I was shaking in fear and that my heart monitor was speeding up a bit.

The hand carding through my hair soothed me quickly, and at some point I found myself slipping into sleep.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Here's chapter five! I hope you guys enjoyed. Favorite, follow, review, and PM me. Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	6. Chapter Six

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Misaki's POV**

My recovery from the accident was slow and boring. After that night, the night Akihiko confessed while I was asleep, I was more distant than ever. I refused to let myself be hurt by him again. The only thing I found strange was Ritsu's constant absence, along with Akihiko's constant presence. I knew not to bring it up, though. It was probably a sensitive topic for the author.

And then, after another month and a half, I was released from the Hell called a hospital. I sat on the edge of the sterile hospital bed, waiting for my brother to come and get me so I could leave already.

Strangely enough, instead of my brother, it was Akihiko who walked into the room, accompanied by the Doctor. I scowled in confusion. "Why are _you_ here?"

The author smirked cockily. "Your brother decided that it would be better if you stayed with someone else. And that someone else is me."

I stared at him for only a second before shrugging. "Alright," was all I said, while on the inside I was screaming in protest. "But what does your _little lover_ think of this?"

Akihiko grimaced at my words, and I immediately knew my hunch was right. Ritsu was a very sensitive topic. I gave a small frown of worry for a second before putting my bored mask back in place.

"Never mind," I sighed dismissively. "No need to tell me about whatever fight you two are having. That's your business, not mine."

The silver haired man looked shocked by my words, despite his attempts to hide it. I inwardly smirked at his reaction. I stood up and walked over to Akihiko and the Doctor, my black converse squeaking on the tile floor.

"I'm assuming you know everything you need to . . . take care of me," I said, though the words tasted like acid to me, "so let's go. I don't want to be in this hellhole any longer than necessary." The Doctor looked disapprovingly at me, but I ignored him.

Akihiko gave another cocky smirk, making irritation rise in me. "Eager to get back to the penthouse?"

I looked at him with a blank gaze. "Not at all," I told him bluntly, deciding to be honest for once.

My blunt response didn't faze him at all, though his smirk disappeared, and he gestured to me to leave the room and go into the hallway. I left the while walled room and stepped into the equally white walled hall. The author led me through the hospital to his bright red sports car.

I became even more irritated when I saw my only senpai leaning against the car. I stopped in front of Sumi, hiding my annoyance. "And what do _you_ want, Sumi?" I asked coldly.

He looked stunned at my tone, and the lack of 'senpai' at the end of his name. It took him a few moments to pull himself together. "U-um, I just wanted to make sure you were alright, Misaki-kun," he stuttered.

"Bull," I snapped, my annoyance peaking. I got a faint sense of satisfaction when he flinched. "You just want to get close to your beloved Usami Akihiko-sama again. With my luck, he'll probably leave me for you like the last time."

"Misaki!" Akihiko started, guilt and hurt crossing his face.

I only snorted in response and walked to the passenger side of the car, getting inside and slamming the door closed. I didn't bother looking at the two men through the window. I could _hear_ Sumi begging Akihiko to take him, I didn't need to see it.

It wasn't long before Akihiko got in the car, looking rather disgruntled, I might add, and started it. I heard him talking to me, but blocked the sound out and stared out the window. As I watched buildings and people pass by quickly, my head throbbed painfully.

I was remembering the night, the night that Haitani shoved me in front of Akihiko's car. There was no way for me to tell whether that was real or not, but I knew that it shook me to the core. I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the stress of knowing that he may be out there, waiting for the perfect moment to take me back.

I clenched my fist, forcing those thoughts out of my head. I jolted in my seat a bit when I realized we were in the car park owned by the apartment building. I frowned and stepped out of the car.

"Aren't we going to get my things from Takahiro's house?" I asked, looking inquisitively at Akihiko.

The man shook his head. "No, I took the liberty of picking your things up and putting them away before I checked you out."

I nodded slowly, following Akihiko up to the penthouse. My heartbeat sped up as we got closer. The last time I'd been in that place, I was having a breakdown, one of my worst. I didn't want to relive that. I buried my memories in the back of my head. I didn't need flashbacks of my time here. Just having to live there was bad enough.

I stopped in the living room and stared at the base of the stairs, remembering the day he left me. All of the memories I had been trying to bury came up to the surface.

"Misaki?" Akihiko asked me worriedly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged it off, but didn't look at him. "I'll be in the same room, right?" Instead of waiting for an answer, I rushed up the stairs and to my old bedroom, then slammed the door behind me. I locked the door out of paranoid habit.

I saw my meagre belongings set up around the room, put away and organized. I flopped down on the bed and closed my eyes, though I was far from sleeping.

"I wonder if he has any food," I muttered to myself, rubbing my grumbling stomach. I'd been almost constantly hungry because I refused to eat the hospital food most of the time, if it could even be called food.

There was a knock on my door. I didn't respond, waiting for him to talk. I knew he would say what he wanted whether I was listening or not.

"Misaki," he sighed. "Ritsu and I broke up." My breath hitched, and I sat up on the bed, staring at the door in worry and confusion. "He said . . . he said I looked at you with more love than I had ever looked at him with. And told me to go after you. So that's what I'm doing. I don't want us to be broken like this. I want us to be together again, happy and carefree."

He paused there, as though giving me room to talk. Suddenly I was leaning against the door, my back to it. "You think I could trust you again, after you left me for someone else so easily? You think I could be _happy and carefree_ after going to jail, being in that hell? You'd be better off praying to Satan than you would be talking to me about it." My voice was empty and unyielding to his pleads.

"Misaki, _please,"_ he begged. "Just give me one more chance-" I spun around and slammed my fist down on the door, making a loud bang echo around the empty penthouse.

"You think I could give you what you want in _this place?_!" I shouted, anger and pain leaking into my voice. "Or ever?! It's hard enough for me to just be near you! And in this house, it's even worse! All I can remember is the torture I went through while you were gone. All I see is me sobbing at the foot off the stairs because my lover, _my reason for living,_ left me! No, Usagi! I can't! Not here!" A single tear dripped down my face. I didn't let any more tears fall. I wouldn't give the darkness in my heart that satisfaction.

My breathing was ragged, and all that could be heard in the thick silence. And then he spoke. " _Please,_ " he begged, and my entire being longed to hold him and make the desperation in his voice disappear. I barely kept myself from tearing the door open and holding him. "Just give me one more chance. You don't have to give it to me now, but _please_ think about it. I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready, so just . . . consider it."

I heard his footsteps moving away from my door, then another door slamming closed. I fell to my knees. How would I survive another second in that hell?!

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **There's the next chapter for you ^_^ I know it probably sucked, and it was kind of short, but I hope it's enough for now. I'll do my best to get another chapter up soon, but I can't make any promises about when. I'm still really sorry for taking so long on this one, and you can flame at me or yell at me in the reviews. I wouldn't blame you. But I still hope you enjoyed the chapter. Tell me what you thought in the reviews please!**

 **Favorite, follow, review, and PM me with ideas. Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	7. Chapter Seven

**There will be some non-explicit rape in this chapter, so I'll let you know when it starts and stops, in case you don't want to read it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Misaki's POV (One Month Later)**

Adjusting to life in the penthouse was hard to say the least. In fact, I wasn't sure that I'd adjusted at all. I avoided Akihiko as often as I could, only seeing him when I called him down for food. Despite how I detested living in the apartment, I still ate at the table with him, keeping the promise I'd made to eat with him all those years ago.

Most days, there was an awkward silence so thick you could cut through it with a rusty butter knife, save for the attempts Akihiko made to talk to me, which were always answered with a frigid silence. I was almost surprised the author didn't try to talk to me again, like he had the first night. Although, it was probably because he wasn't aware of just how much the living situation was affecting me. I'd been lucky enough that the nightmares I woke up from every night didn't have me screaming.

I knew for sure that if I woke up screaming from a nightmare, the silver haired man would come rushing into my room to comfort me, despite knowing how much I hated being touched. I began to get worried after a couple of weeks of being in the penthouse, though. The dreams had been getting worse every night, and I knew that at some point I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about them any longer.

A month after arriving was a testament to that fact. It was the first nightmare since being in jail that I woke from screaming.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 _I woke from my dream with a jolt, surrounded by a thick darkness that I couldn't see through. Sweat soaked my hair and clothes despite how cold the dark room was. It seemed to be empty, as there were no sounds to be heard or movements to be seen, and yet I could almost feel someone's presence._

 _I slowly moved the duvet off of my body and stood from the bed, walking toward where I knew the door would be. I moved forward warily, a hand in front of me so I could feel something in front of me._

 _But I hadn't been counting on anything behind me._

 _A hand covered my mouth harshly, while a different on slipped up my nightshirt. I struggled in the mystery man's grip, but as soon as he spoke, his disgusting hands groping me, I froze in fear._

" _Hello, my little kitten," Haitani hissed in my ear, lust painting his words. A sickened shudder ran through me, though the older man interpreted it as something else. "It seems like you're happy to see me."_

 _A wave of nausea washed over me, but I pushed it back, keeping as still as possible in hopes that it would lessen the pain somehow. Haitani shoved me down onto the bed, facing him. A blinding light filled the room, and suddenly I was back in the jail cell, pinned on the uncomfortable cot that I'd been forced by Haitani to share._

 _ **-This is where the rape starts-**_

 _Haitani pulled my shirt and pants off of my limp body, and suddenly there was a ripping pain rushing through me. It felt as though I was being torn apart from the inside out. I bit back a pained scream, closing my eyes tightly to the intense and passionate look on the other man's face._

" _Look at me, kitten, or I'll make this even worse for you," he whispered, leaning down to my ear and licking the shell with his slimy tongue. I swallowed the vomit that rose in my throat and opened my eyes slowly._

 _I was back in Akihiko's room, and said man was ripping through my body as though he wasn't causing me pain._

" _Akihiko," I choked out, "stop. Ple-ease." He leered down at me, not slowing or stopping._

" _As if, my sweet Misaki. I'm taking what's mine," Akihiko told me, then leaned down and pulled me into a crushing kiss. Tears slipped down my face and sobs ripped through my lips. I could stand having Haitani hurting me, because he meant nothing to me, but Akihiko hurting me like that was more than I could take._

 _I begged him to stop, but he swallowed my words in his crushing kisses. And finally he finished and pulled out, ending my torture. He whispered how much he loved me in my ear, kissing my tender lips almost lovingly, but all I could feel was burning betrayal._

 _ **-It's ended, guys—**_

I woke from the dream with a scream, tears staining my face. Loud, rushing footsteps sounded down the hall toward my room. I covered my face with my trembling hands, my breath coming in gasps. The door to my room was thrown open as my breathing began to even out.

"Misaki, what happened?!" Akihiko asked worriedly, and I flinched at the sound of his voice. It sounded so much like the voice he used at the end of the dream. I heard footsteps moving toward me and stopping by the side of my bed.

My breath hitched as his fingers brushed my forearm. I smacked his hand away quickly, curling away from the author. "Don't touch me!" I snapped, my body reacting automatically. There was hurt and surprise in his eyes, but understanding crossed his face a second later.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, a pained expression on his face. I glared at him.

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me," I told him coldly, keeping my eyes on his. He didn't look as though he believed me.

"You're clearly not fine," he said bluntly.

"Then why ask?!" I bit out in frustration. "Or is it because that's what _Ritsu_ would want you to do?"

The man looked confused. "What is that supposed to mean? Ritsu has nothing to do with this."

I scoffed. "You looked at me only when Ritsu pushed you to do it. He _told_ you to come after me, so you did. How do I know you're not only asking this because that's what Ritsu would want you to do, that this is your own will? I don't. You may not even consciously know."

Anger and frustration flashed in his eyes, but both emotions were quickly hidden. "Why can't you believe me when I say that I truly do care about you? I do, more than you even know." Akihiko did a good job of hiding his emotions.

I couldn't help the tears that formed in my eyes at all of the reasons that piled up in my head. "You don't know?! You fucking left me without a word for some other guy! You just gave Aikawa a message for me and left! How am I supposed to fucking know what you feel when you clearly don't know yourself?!"

Akihiko's voice was quiet when he spoke next. "I know exactly what I feel, Misaki. I know that I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone, and nothing Ritsu said has anything to do with that. It was a mistake to leave for him, but I've only just realized that. I know I love you. I know I regret everything in the past few years. And I know there's nothing I could do to gain your forgiveness. I won't even ask you to forgive me."

"Oh, you're only realizing _now_?!" I snapped. "What, didn't Haruhiko tell you nothing about the time while you were-" I stopped myself with a curse, realizing that I'd let something slip that I shouldn't have.

Anger and confusion knit Akihiko's brow. "You went to Haruhiko?" he asked disbelievingly. "Why?!"

I glared harshly at the man. "Why, you ask?! Because you left me! You gave no excuse or reasoning, just took all of your things and left the country to be with another man! I felt like I wasn't worthy after that! I thought 'Maybe it was me. Maybe it was my fault he left.' I went to your brother because I needed comfort from someone who knew rejection, and Haruhiko was the first person that came to mind."

The anger that had shown on the author's face disappeared, replaced by guilt and regret. "Did you ever . . . ?" Akihiko couldn't seem to get the rest of the words out.

"That's none of your business," I told him in a clipped tone. "Now get out. Whatever goes on with me is _none of your business._ "

Akihiko looked hurt by my statement, resembling a kicked puppy. I sighed. "Look," I started tiredly, gaining a hopeful look from the author, "I know you want to help me or whatever, but you broke my trust. You'll have to earn it back if you have any chance with even being my friend again. Alright?" I refused to look at the other man, but I knew there was happiness in his eyes.

The silverette was strangely quiet. I glanced up at him and saw a serious look on his face. He started speaking. "I will admit that what Ritsu said pushed me in this direction, but I want you to know that it was completely my choice to try to be with you again. I didn't know what I wanted, but Ritsu did. I'm not doing this because Ritsu told me to, I'm doing it because I want to. Please understand that." I stared at him quietly, saying nothing. He took that as his cue to leave.

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. Despite my attempts to go back to sleep, I stayed up the whole night thinking about what Akihiko said and cursing myself for caring.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

The next morning I walked down the stairs sluggishly. I'd exhausted myself thinking the night before, and I could barely walk straight. I made a simple breakfast of omelets and water, barely having the energy to even do that. I called Akihiko down, collapsing into my chair and poking at my food.

Akihiko descended the stairs as gracefully as ever and sat down at the table. He glanced at me with poorly concealed worry. I took a deep breath. "I'll let you ask me one question. As a truce or whatever you want to call it."

The silver haired man stared at me with surprise, but concealed it quickly and took on a thoughtful look. _'He'll probably ask something about Haruhiko or jail, knowing his nosy ways,'_ I thought, scoffing to myself.

"What have you told Takahiro about us?" I raised an eyebrow at the question, but didn't comment. I guess this was his way of taking it slow.

"Nothing. Takahiro thought I was upset about you leaving because you were my 'male role model' thingy, but never suspected anything more. He didn't ask, and I didn't tell," I responded, taking a bite of my omelet and chewing slowly, taking a sip of water as my stomach churned.

Akihiko nodded, then continued to eat in silence. "What, no attempts at small talk this morning? It was starting to seem like tradition." My tone was playful, even if a bit strained.

The author snorted. "You've evaded all of my attempts, so I thought I'd get you to drop your guard before trying again." I rolled my eyes and made no more comments.

This was a good start.

 **-JR—JR—JR-**

 **Almost two thousand words this time :D I made it a bit longer (I think) to make up for not updating for so long. Please let me know what you think.**

 **Favorite, follow, review, and PM me! Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	8. Chapter Eight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica, but I wish I did.**

 **-JR-JR-JR-**

 **Misaki**

So, of course, as things were finally beginning to die down and become peaceful, more problems had to make themselves known. The specific problem in particular that I'm talking about was currently sitting in the living room, calmly sipping on tea as though he wasn't being a nuisance.

This nuisance's name was Haruhiko. I sighed tiredly, entirely too exhausted with life's recent drama to get furious, although I could feel the anger simmering beneath my skin, waiting for the right prompting to show itself.

There was more than just anger there, though. In the back of my mind, there was a sense of nostalgia, of longing for the normalcy and peace the short relationship with the older Usami had brought me in Akihiko's place.

Slowly, in hopes of stalling the conversation that would inevitably come, I descended the stairs to the living room. Haruhiko wouldn't meet my eyes, the only sign of discomfort and unease visible on the brunette man.

I reached the bottom of the staircase and stopped, crossing my arms and staring at the man, waiting for him to meet my eyes. When finally, after several moments of tense silence, the man dragged his own gaze to mine, there was regret in his eyes. I scoffed to myself at that. Another trait of the Usami clan: They really can't let go of the past and let things be.

"Haruhiko," I began tonelessly. "What are you doing here?" It took more effort than I would care to admit to stop myself from yelling at the man. "I recall you telling me you never wanted to see me again."

I'm sure that, had the brunette man not been an Usami, he probably would have flinched. "I'm sorry. I regretted it right after I said it, but it was too late. You were already gone."

I gave a short, bitter laugh. "If you regretted it so much, then maybe you should have gone after me. Just a thought," I sneered sarcastically. The brunette man began to speak but I cut him off quickly with a glare. "And I know you would have, if you had actually cared about me or my feelings. I know well enough the persistence and stubbornness of the Usami clan."

The shame was practically radiating from Haruhiko, a very out of place emotion for the normally stoic businessman. He began to speak slowly, waiting to see if I would cut him off again. I didn't. "I'm so sorry for what I've done to you, Misaki. If I could have had anything to do with it, none of this would have happened to you. You deserve so much better than what you've been given in life. I would do anything to take what I've caused back, but I know I can't. I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I'm here for you if you ever need me. I only came here to tell you that, and that I never stopped loving you." Before I knew it, a gentle kiss was placed on my lips, and then Haruhiko slipped almost silently from the penthouse.

I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Conflicting emotions raged through me, creating a whirlwind of confusion in my mind. The damn Usami clan just couldn't fucking make up their minds. Both of them made me feel like I was useless and unloved, and then one day they just come sauntering back as if nothing happened, apologizing like that would fix everything and make all of the hurt of the past go away. And yet, at the same time, I wanted to run back into their arms each time they looked at me with those regret-filled, guilty eyes while they apologized with all of their hearts. I couldn't keep my own damn fucking heart straight.

I put my face in my hands, slumping down at the bottom of the staircase, and took a deep breath, attempting to make sense of my mind. None of it made sense. I was supposed to be over Akihiko and Haruhiko. I was supposed to have moved on from them and went on with my life. And yet, here I was, sitting in Akihiko's penthouse having an argument with myself over my feelings towards that very same man.

For a moment I wished with all I had that someone would show up and hold me, comfort me, help me figure myself out. And in that exact moment, the front door opened and Akihiko sauntered in as confidently as he ever had. I squashed that thought as quickly as it came, standing up and turning to the stairs, meaning to go up them and to my room. The author's voice stopped me.

"I saw Haruhiko leaving on my way up," he said. "Is it safe to assume he came up here to see you?"

"Don't talk to me as though we're dating," I snapped, agitated. "You're not my boyfriend. You don't have the right to get jealous of the people I talk to anymore." The man's purple eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly hid it away, along with the flash of annoyance that crossed his gaze.

"Just because you pretend not to care about me doesn't me you get to control my emotions. I love you, Misaki, and no matter what you want, no matter how much you tell me you can't be with me, I will always love you. I will be jealous of the people you talk to. I'll hate how you don't want to be with me, and there's nothing you can do to change how I feel about that, no matter what you want." Akihiko's passionate words, similar to what his brother said just minutes before, were too much to handle. I was out the door and in the elevator before another syllable could leave the author's mouth.

My breath was coming in harsh pants. It was becoming harder and harder to draw air into my lungs. It felt like my throat was closing up. Just when I thought I was going to pass out, the elevator doors opened with a ding and I stumbled out, through the lobby of the apartment complex, and out of the building. The fresh, cold air cleared my head marginally, but black spots still danced in front of my eyes.

Only when I stopped and collapsed against a bench in some park did I realize I wasn't even sure where I'd run. I didn't have the time to look around for someone to ask, either, because only moments later, hands grabbed harshly at my clothes, jerking me up from the bench, and threw me into a car not far from where we were.

Had it not been for the fact that I was barely conscious, I would have fought back. My eyes darted around the dark vehicle, taking in the black, leather interior and tinted windows that hid all that happened inside from any curious eyes. The first person my eyes landed on was the last man in the world I wanted to see. The panic that gripped me was ten times worse than the panic I'd been experiencing not long before, this time fueled by fear and not confusion.

"Haitani," I gasped hoarsely. "I-I thought-"

"That I was still in jail?" he chuckled amusedly. "No, I got off on good behavior." That would have been hard to believe had I not known the connections the older man had. I knew better than to scoff at the absurdity of his statement. I stayed silent. I took the short moment of silence I was given to see how much the man had changed over the time we'd been apart. His hair was black, shaved almost to the scalp, and his skin was a deep bronze shade. There was a cruel glint in his mud brown eyes. I knew that, given the chance, he would make me suffer as much as possible.

"We were following you for quite a while there, you know?" the man stated, sounding both disappointed and entertained by the fact. "What were you so caught up with that you didn't' notice us following you?" I didn't respond, closing my eyes and clenching my teeth in quiet defiance of his command. For it wasn't a question of what I'd been thinking about, but a command. In response, one of the goons that had grabbed me and shoved me into the currently still car slapped me hard on the cheek. I gasped, vivid flashes of similar slaps from inside of prison in my mind, and decided keeping quiet wasn't worth it in the end. Not in the face of what I knew the man would most definitely do to get me to talk.

I spat blood out and wiped it from my split lip. I forced my voice to stay even as I spoke, and glared at the ex-convict. "I just thought of you shoving your disgusting prick into me and had to go for a run to get the horrifying thought out of my mind."

A cruel smirk painted Haitani's lips. "I recall you moaning on that 'disgusting prick' a few times before. Or am I wrong about that?"

I flinched away from the words and memories that accompanied them. "You're not," I admitted quietly, if only to appease the man in front of me. "What do you want with me?" I asked, quickly moving him away from the direction the conversation was going. It wasn't hard to guess, but I needed to hear it for myself.

Haitani flashed his teeth in an animalistic grin and I almost expected them to be sharpened like a demon's. "Oh, just reminding you who you belong to," the demon said lightheartedly. He motioned to his driver and the car began to move. My breath began to come in short pants again. "I'll return you to your dear Akihiko when we're done here."

Before I knew it we were in a nearly empty warehouse district. The goon driving the car pulled into a warehouse and stopped the car. I was dragged from the vehicle roughly and threw me to the ground, where Haitani pinned my down.

I clenched my eyes shut, expecting my clothes to be ripped off. Instead of the familiar ripping sound, I heard a knife being unsheathed. Haitani was straddling me, effectively pinning me from the waist down. I felt a gun being pressed to my temple, silently warning me not to move.

Haitani tapped the knife lightly, chidingly, on my cheek. "Oh, come now, Misaki, love. Don't hide your beautiful green eyes from me."

I knew better than to ignore his order. I slowly cracked open my eyes. I couldn't stop my tears from welling up. How many times had I been in the position before? How many times had he broken me down like this? I only barely kept the tears from falling.

The brunette man grabbed my right forearm in a bruising grip and held it to the concrete ground. I winced but kept my eyes open. When Haitani brought the knife to my arm, I knew with startling clarity what he was going to do.

"No!" I whispered hoarsely, unable to raise my voice any further. "Please…" A tear fell from my eye and slipped down my cheek.

The serrated knife ripped through the skin of my arm without mercy. I choked scream made it halfway out of my mouth, but a dirty rag caked with something I'd rather not know the identity of was shoved down my throat. I gagged and more tears escaped. When the pain finally stopped the edges of my vision were greying out and my head was light.

I dragged my blank gaze up to my mangled arm, and a muffled sob erupted from my mouth. Carved into the pale flesh of my right forearm was the word 'MINE'. There was no doubt that the word would scar horribly. It would be a permanent reminder of the man Haitani who caused me endless suffering.

Haitani's goon removed the barrel of the gun from my temple and took the disgusting gag from my mouth. The next moment a cloth was pressed against my mouth and nose and next thing I knew I was unconscious.

 **-PJO—PJO—PJO-**

 **Merry Christmas guys! Consider this my Christmas present to you. It took a long time to grind this chapter out but I finally got it to you. Sorry for the long wait and I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as I possibly can.**

 **Favourite, follow, review, and PM me with requests or ideas! Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Take two!  
**

 **Review Responses:**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica**

 **-JR-JR-JR-**

I woke up an hour later, according to my phone, with a pounding headache and a throbbing arm. I steeled myself and looked down at the blood mess of my forearm. Most of the blood around the cuts had dried, but my red lifeblood was still oozing slowly out of them and dripping down the side to the floor. I slowly, painfully pulled my sleeve down over the gashes, grimacing when the drag of the fabric made them twinge. As gently and slowly as possible, I pulled myself to my feet with minimal dizziness. It didn't take long to figure out where Haitani had taken me, which was startlingly close to the penthouse. I doubted that was a coincidence. I made my way out of the building and into the strangely sunny day. It had been cloudy and rolling with thunder not long before.

What would have been a ten minute walk to Akihiko's apartment complex became a thirty minute walk due to the near constant breaks and stumbling walk I had taken to due to blood loss. The pain in my right arm was almost blinding, pulsing in agony every few seconds. I held it tightly against my stomach in a weak attempt to keep the pain at bay. I knew without looking that the wounds would need stitches, but that wouldn't be a problem. I'd had to stitch cuts up with less than what Akihiko kept at his apartment, which was honestly abysmal. The only first aid supplies he kept in his bathroom were a pack of thirty band-aids, a small tube of antibiotic cream, a couple rolls of gauze, and a small suturing kit. I was surprised the man hadn't killed died yet.

It was only when I arrived at the building, standing outside of it, that it occurred that Akihiko might be in the penthouse waiting for me to return. If he was, there was no way he'd miss the still slightly bleeding wounds on my arm. He was much too perceptive to miss the pain in my eyes and the way I was holding my arm protectively to myself. I groaned to myself when I realized I had no choice but to go up, as there was nowhere else for me to go. Slowly, I trudged my way up to the apartment, dread forming a lead ball in my stomach.

By the time I reached the front door of the penthouse and had my key in the lock I was a wreck. I couldn't let Akihiko find out what happened. I couldn't let him get involved. This was my problem and I would have to deal with it myself. With a small grimace, I pushed the front door open with my left hand, the hinges blessedly silent as the door swung inward. I carefully stepped inside, listening and looking for any sign of someone in the living room or kitchen. Thankfully there were no sounds, and from my limited perspective I could see no one. I closed the door silently behind me, wincing as the lock made a deafening clicking sound in the silent apartment.

I stepped into the living room and found no one, only Suzuki sitting on the pink couch, watching with dead, beady eyes. I moved as soundlessly as possible up the stairs, checking under every door for light or movement. When I found no evidence of a lurking author, I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it behind me. Kneeling down in front of the sink, I pulled the cabinet doors open and pulled the 'first-aid kit' out of the bare cabinet.

I made quick work of cleaning my right arm of blood with toilet paper, not wanting to risk Akihiko finding a bloody rag later on. I threw the red stained paper in the toilet, then pulled out the suturing kit. I went as quickly as I could, making small noises of pain when the tugging of the thread made the wounds twinge. I was done soon after and disposed of the now used kit, hiding it beneath other trash in the bin. I wrapped my arm up tightly, hoping against all hope that the white haired man wouldn't notice any limited movement in the arm.

I flushed the toilet, removing any evidence of blood from the bathroom, and moved down the hallway into my room. As I was pulling on a fresh, black long sleeved t-shirt, I heard the front door open and frantic footsteps move up the stairs. Doors opened, and the rooms were searched for me-at least that's what I assumed. I pulled the shirt down quickly as my bedroom door flew open and a worry-worn Akihiko stepped through. Thankful that my bloody shirt was dark blue and therefore hid most evidence of the stains, I met the author's relieved gaze.

I wasn't sure what to say to the strangely vulnerable expression on the older man's face, so I stayed silent and allowed him to speak first. When he did, his voice was slightly hoarse and oddly soft.

"Misaki," he breathed, and Akihiko quickly gathered me into his arms. Anger surged through me and, despite the pain in my right arm, I shoved Akihiko away from me roughly. The man stumbled back, more out of shock than the shove. I hated to admit it but I was painfully weak in that moment.

"Don't fucking touch me," I snarled. With Haitani's attack so fresh, I probably wouldn't have been able to stand even my brother's touch. "I know you think that, because you have _feelings_ for me, you can act like you're still my boyfriend, but I think you'll find that you're wrong. I don't think you get it, Akihiko. We aren't together anymore, and we haven't been for _years. Years,_ Akihiko. You betrayed me. You left me for another man, and then came back years later flaunting him. You gave up any rights you had to treating me like you used to a long, long time ago."

Hurt flashed in the author's eyes before he masked it with a blank mask. "I thought you were starting to trust me," he said lamely. If it were any other situation, I might have commended myself for making the Usami practically speechless. But, as it was, I found no satisfaction in the sad response. Only frustration and anger.

"Dammit, Usagi!" I snapped, then gritted my teeth at the slip-up. Akihiko looked stunned almost beyond belief. I began speaking again, quieter this time. "I told you I needed time, didn't I? A few weeks isn't enough time to build up the trust you tore down the day you left. You left all the trust I had for you as dust at the bottom of the stairs while I laid there sobbing. You were all I had, Akihiko. Yeah, maybe my brother was there, and Sumi and Ijuuin and Todo. But you were the only one I was completely open with, completely trusting with. You spat that back in my face. You ran away like a coward instead of facing me like the man I thought you were. You'd be lucky if you could earn even half that trust back after that bullshit."

The white haired man stared into my eyes silently. After a few moments, he began talking, voice full of guilt and pain. "I'm so sorry, Misaki. You're right, I was a coward. I should have told you to your face, instead of leaving a meagre message with Aikawa and not contacting you. I regret the way I acted, and I'm trying to fix that." I looked into his earnest amethyst eyes and nostalgia filled me. He used to tell me he loved me with those exact same eyes so long before. I shook the feeling off.

I sighed, suddenly exhausted. "I'm tired, Akihiko. Can I please go to sleep?" But he wasn't paying attention to my words anymore. His eyes were on my arm. Glancing down, I realized I'd been scratching my wrist without noticing, shifting my sleeve up and revealing part of the bandage. I cursed the old habit in my mind.

Hurriedly I pulled the sleeve back down and turned away, but Akihiko was having none of it. He grabbed my right arm and pushed the sleeve up to the crease of my elbow to look at the whole of my forearm. I noticed that there was a little bit of blood showing through where the wounds bled. I tried to pull away but the author tightened his grip, making me wince.

"Let me go," I said weakly, still trying to get out of his grip.

"No, Misaki!" Akihiko snapped. "Hugging you and kissing you and confessing to you is one thing, but this is your health. Did you do this to yourself?! Did you cut again?!"

I clenched my teeth, mind searching frantically for a lie that would pass the man's too perceptive eyes. Before I could come up with even a wisp of an excuse, Akihiko began undoing the bandage. He was still gripping my arm tightly, restricting my ability to stop him. I closed my eyes tightly as the gauze fell away. The Usami's breath hitched in shock. "What is this?" he breathed, fingers grazing gently over the stitches and causing them to twinge in pain. "Who did this?!" the man said, voice much stronger.

I opened my mouth to respond, and at that moment, the phone rang.

 **-JR-JR-JR-**

 **Cliff hanger! I hope you guys liked the heavily edited version of this chapter :3 Please let me know what you think**

 **Favourite, follow, review, and PM me with feedback! Until next time . . .**

 **~O'Malley out!**


	10. Chapter Ten

**So, it's been a long time since I've written anything, especially for this. Hopefully, I have something good for you guys. Here goes.**

 **One thing, _I'm changing the POV from Misaki to the third person._ I feel that I can portray what I want to happen more accurately this way.**

 **WARNING: There will be non-explicit sex in this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica.**

* * *

Misaki felt Akihiko's grip loosen in surprise, the noise cutting through the tension in the air like butter. Taking the small window of opportunity, the brunette ripped his arm from the author's grasp and made for the phone. Akihiko would be less likely to confront him again if there was a chance of someone overhearing.

"Hello?" Misaki greeted, slightly out of breath. The person on the other end chuckled quietly, and Misaki's blood froze. He would recognize that laugh anywhere. "What do you want?" his words were barely a breath, low enough that even Akihiko wouldn't be able to hear.

"Don't you see?" Haitani purred, and Misaki could see the dangerous smirk he would most definitely be wearing. "Usami Akihiko will never understand what you've been through. He only sees you as what you used to be."

"Fuck off," Misaki hissed, clenching his fists tightly and ignoring the zing of pain the action sent through his wounds.

"Okay, then," the criminal conceded agreeably. "However, the next time you see me, I will be standing over the corpse of your precious Usagi and Nii-san. If you change your mind, though, meet me at the park near your penthouse tonight before dawn. I might just have some mercy." Haitani gave another quiet chuckle and ended the call.

Misaki stiffened when he felt a cool hand on his shoulder. "Who was that?"

The brunette cleared his throat quietly, his mouth suddenly dry. "Wrong number." He gently placed the phone back in the receiver. The younger turned around but refused to look Akihiko in the eye. "I'm going to bed. There are leftovers in the refrigerator if you're hungry." Surprisingly, this time the author didn't follow after his ex-lover.

* * *

Despite his rising panic, Misaki forced himself to appear calm when he was locked safely in his room. After all, there was no telling whether Haitani had bugged the room, or even had a camera installed. It was likely, considering his timing with the phone call. So Misaki sat on the edge of the unmade bed and stared down at the angry, red word carved into his arm. The brunette would always belong to Haitani on some level, and the older man knew that.

Misaki forced his calm inward as well and considered his options. He took hold of one thought from the raging storm in his mind and focused solely on that. Akihiko and Takahiro would be dead soon, without a doubt, if Misaki didn't go to Haitani. And the criminal would make sure that Misaki saw every second of their suffering, right up to the moment they died.

The only outward sign of the man's distress was the ragged sigh he let out, and the slight shudder in his frame. There was no real choice. Misaki wouldn't allow the only people he had left to die at the hands of that man. He would make sure that they had a long, blissful life, whether they knew his sacrifice or not. Misaki brushed his fingers over the stitched wounds gently and let a soft sob go, tears falling onto the mark of lifelong belonging. Misaki would never have another free moment in his life after that night. He would be a slave to the whim of a psychotic criminal until his inevitably violent death.

With that thought, Misaki allowed himself to grieve his own freedom. Quiet, heart-wrenching sobs escaped the brunette's lips through the large lump in his throat. Misaki pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and cried.

"I don't want to go back to him," Misaki whispered to himself, voice breaking several times. Fear flashed through his body heatedly. "Why can't he leave me alone?" Whimpered pleas for mercy choked the young man until he could barely contain his voice. His body heaved suppressed cries of injustice.

A strange feeling came over Misaki when he heard pacing outside his room. If this was his last chance to be with Akihiko, the man he had always loved even when he was deep in denial, then to hell with grudges and the past. Misaki would grasp this final moment and make the most of it that he could.

Even when the brunette found himself unlocking his door, his hand on the doorknob, the feeling didn't abate. In fact, it strengthened to the point that there would be no coming back from it. This was an admission that he would never be able to take back.

Akihiko looked stunned by both the door actually opening, and the mess that Misaki had become. The brunette, however, didn't allow him to say anything or even recover from his shock. He grabbed the author by his loosened tie and dragged him down for a deep, desperate kiss that conveyed more than the younger would ever be able to say.

"Please," Misaki panted, "please don't say anything. Just make love to me like you used to." More tears welled in his green eyes, to his own shame. Akihiko only hesitated for a moment before he pushed the brunette into the room and slammed the door behind him. Akihiko's hands and mouth were ice cold and burning hot at the same time, leaving scorching trails of pleasure.

Somehow, the older man was gentler with Misaki than he had ever been before, worshipping every inch of his body. The soft, firm touches and whispered words broke something in the younger man.

"I love you, Usagi," he sobbed, clutching tightly onto Akihiko's broad shoulders. "I love you so much." The author swallowed the rest of Misaki's words with a deep kiss, cupping his face tenderly.

All too soon he pulled away and pressed his forehead against Misaki's. "I love you, too, Misaki." They both climaxed together, each clutching the other like a lifeline.

* * *

Misaki gazed down at the peacefully sleeping man, a strange smile on his face. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the pale cheek. "I love you," he breathed, brushing a stray hair from the man's face. A single tear fell onto the sleeping man's face from above. Misaki wiped it away softly and stepped away from the bed. He glanced over at the note sitting on the illuminated desk. "How cliche," he muttered to himself, but left the note and began to walk quietly through the condo, taking in each detail and engraving it into his heart. This would always be his home, even if it hurt to be there.

There were only a couple hours until dawn, and Misaki's time was running out. He would be caged and shackled and left to rot again, and there was no running away from it. The young man took a deep breath, preparing himself for the pain to come, and then stepped out of the apartment with a whispered 'goodbye'.

* * *

 **So, I hope that was sufficient, despite my long absence. I know it was really short, and I'm super sorry about that, but I wanted to take what little inspiration I had and run with it. So, thank you so fucking much to the beautiful Hametsu for the help on the plot. Thanks for reading!**

 **Favourite, follow, review, and PM me with ideas! Until next time...**

 **~O'Malley**


	11. Chapter Eleven

**So yeah. It's been close to a year or so, I think. Though, I haven't been able to bring myself to actually look at the last update date so.. But yeah. I hope this lives up to you guys' expectations of what happens next, and even if it doesn't, I hope you enjoy it at the very least. Thank you for being patient and supporting me despite the year long hiatus. Here goes.**

 **EDIT: It took me so long to figure out where exactly I was going with this chapter lmfao I had an actual argument with myself until I decided on a direction and stuck with it. Hopefully a good direction? Let me know pls It's been so long since I've properly written, I may be horribly out of practice.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica, nor the characters associated with Junjou Romantica.**

Even as Akihiko woke up from his peaceful slumber, he could tell something was wrong. There was a stillness in the air that shouldn't have been there. Ever since Misaki had moved back in, whenever the author woke up there were the soft noises of something cooking. Maybe the faint clinking of dishes being washed. Or even just the quiet drone of the morning news.

But today, in the dim light of the early morning, there was only silence. No warm body next to Akihiko, or sounds of any other living soul. Something in the man's gut clenched painfully, a feeling akin to dread. Akihiko peeled his eyes open slowly, blinking the bleariness of sleep from them.

Violet eyes were immediately drawn to the lit lamp on the desk, which contrasted painfully with the low light filtering through the window. An envelope rested in the circle of artificial light. The dull throb of apprehension in Akihiko's gut strengthened into a sharp knife of fear. He'd seen enough dramas to know what this was. It was goodbye.

Despite the all-consuming wish to abandon the note and go searching for Misaki, the man knew there would be no point. From the cool sheets, the author could guess the brunette was already long gone.

With shaking hands and a stuttering heart, Akihiko picked up the unassuming, white envelope, marred only by his own name in neat handwriting. He forced his numb fingers to fumble with the flap of the envelope long enough to get the single piece of college-ruled paper out.

 _Akihiko. Usagi-san. The man who holds the pieces of my heart._

 _I'm sorry for this-making you a one night stand and running. It wasn't fake, or fucking with your feelings, or getting revenge, as much as it may seem that way to you. Last night meant everything to me. I wasn't lying when I told you that I love you. But please understand that I have to go, and I can't tell you or anyone else where I'm going. This is something I must do alone._

 _We most likely won't see each other again. I'm sorry, again, that I ended things in such a way, but I'm so glad that I got one more night with you._

 _Just please promise that you'll move on from me. Be angry with me, hate me, curse my name every single day of your life from now on, I don't care-just move on. If you do that-if you go on with your life despite me-I will forgive you for everything you've ever done that hurt me. I'll forgive the fact that you cheated on me and left me in the dust. The only things that I ask for in return is that you don't let the pain I'm surely causing consume you, and don't come looking for me._

 _Goodbye, Akihiko._

 _Misaki_

Akihiko's breaths were coming in pants, and tears stained the piece of paper responsible for them.

"Misaki," the man whispered, the name trembling with emotion, and fell to his knees clutching the letter to his chest. "Misaki."

 **-Six Months Later-**

"Misaki," Akihiko gasped as he awakened. Sweat coated his skin, making silver hair stick to his forehead and temples wetly. The author could still hear his lover's ( _Ex-lover,_ he reminded himself) parting words echoing in his head. He was thankful that he at least wasn't crying when he woke up, that time. He'd been trying to keep his promises to Misaki and move on, instead of pining and searching endlessly for the lost brunette.

It was difficult to ignore his instinct to utilize his every resource and scour the very Earth to find him, especially with a reminder of the younger man around every corner. The kitchen, where he would always cook meals for Akihiko, despite his exasperation with the childish man. The living room, where he would read with the tv playing quietly in the background, often falling asleep on the couch despite his claims to never be comfortable in the penthouse. The laundry room. His office. The spare bedroom. The toy room. The entryway. Every single room in the penthouse had a ghost of Misaki wandering it, haunting Akihiko's every footstep.

The man often wondered if this was how Misaki had felt the months he'd lived there. Every step dogged by phantoms he couldn't get rid of. It made Akihiko feel even worse for having practically forced Misaki to live there and relive all of those painful memories, along with the sweet memories bittered by betrayal. And then, after wondering and regretting what he had done to Misaki, he always berated himself for thinking of the man so often.

Akihiko had promised that he would try to move on, and not look for the man, and he would rather go to Hell than break his promises. They were the very last things that Misaki had asked of him, and they would be promises he would carry to his grave.

With his resolution set in place, Akihiko silenced his alarm, which he had only just realized was blaring away in his ear, and slid out of bed, grimacing at the grimy feel of sweat dried on his skin. He'd laid there for longer than he thought.

Akihiko quickly showered, shaved, and dressed in his three piece suit-sans the jacket. He moved around the apartment without feeling. If the author allowed himself to notice and take in every memory, he would spend all day doing nothing but regretting, and he couldn't allow that.

So, with purpose, the man left the apartment and made his way to a coffee shop not far from the penthouse. After Misaki left, Akihiko couldn't bring himself to even use the kitchen, let alone allow someone else cook for him in it, so he often ate his meals at restaurants and cafes-save, of course, the home-cooked meals Minami often forced on him.

The particular cafe that was Akihiko's target was only two blocks from the apartment building, and had some of the best coffee the author could ever have had. The only exception, perhaps, was Misaki's. If Akihiko could ever bring himself to resent Misaki, he would blame the younger man for all of his suffering, but something deep in his chest told the author that there was more to it than Misaki running away out of self-preservation.

 _No,_ the silveret berated himself. _You promised you wouldn't look for him, so drop it._

It took concentrated effort to push the thought process from his head. Thankfully, the cafe was just to his right, and he could distract himself by reading over the menu and pretending he was going to get something other than plain black coffee. Akihiko did exactly that for a few moments before walking up to the barista at the register, whose name tag read 'Rae'. The author vaguely remembered seeing the man before, his black, blue-streaked hair making him memorable.

"A large, medium brew coffee and a slice of strawberry cake, sir?" Rae asked cheerfully, a perfect customer service smile on his face.

Akihiko was almost surprised that the man remembers, but he'd surely served the sliveret before. Strawberry cake wasn't exactly a popular item at 7:15 in the morning. The older man just nodded in assent and passed Rae his credit card without prompt.

It was only a few moments before Akihiko was seated at a table in the corner of the small cafe, cake and coffee placed in front of him. As he picked up his mug of coffee from the small, ceramic plate, he saw a small slip of paper float from the bottom of the mug. With a frown he picked it up and examined the small, neat handwriting packed onto it.

 _Meet me at this address tonight at midnight. It's about Misaki Takahashi._

Akihiko's eyes widened slightly, and he glances up at the barista behind the counter. He's humming quietly to himself and wiping the counter down, paying the author no mind. The violet eyed man quickly finished his coffee and cake, leaving crumbs and a quarter of the cup behind as he hurriedly evacuated the shop.

He needed to talk to someone, before his whirling thoughts caused him to do something rash. Almost without realizing, Akihiko was dialing Ritsu's house number, well aware that his lover could be there. They had a tentative friendship going, with Takano, Ritsu's lover, giving his reluctant blessing to it. It was his show of trust to Ritsu, who had a much easier time of getting the lover he'd cheated on to come around than Akihiko had.

Of course, Takano was the one that answered, instead of Ritsu.

"What is it, Usami? Ritsu isn't here right now," he said shortly. For all that Akihiko and Ritsu had a slowly forming friendship, Takano held no love for Akihiko, with fair reason.

"I-I needed to talk to someone-about Misaki," the author stuttered, a strangely out of character act. This, perhaps, was what prompted Takano to respond with something other than a dismissal.

"Come over," the publisher ordered curtly, though slightly softer than his greeting. "Then you can explain." And then he hung up.

 **I know it's not super long, but I have an idea of what I'm going to do next, so it shouldn't be too long before I have something more for you guys. And I know it's been a long time, so I wanted to give you guys some hope before you gave up on me. I really, really, really hope this lives up to what you guys expect from this story.**

 **NOTE:Seriously though, I have so many problems with tenses right now, so if you see something in the present tense instead of in the past tense, please let me know so I can fix it. I'm trying to keep with the theme, but I had to correct myself like ten times while typing this up.**

 **I can't really promise when I'll have something new for you, but I promise, promise, promise that I will try to have in within the next couple weeks another chapter. Please favourite, follow, review, and PM me. Give me all of the awesome feedback you want. Until next time…**

 **~O'Malley out!**


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